Summer “Break”

It all started when…

Matter of fact, when did this shit all start? When did I cycle back on myself for the four-hundred-and-fifty-seventh time? Yesterday? Four.five years ago? 3? I really don’t know. I really don’t care. It really doesn’t matter. But here we are. Here am I. Nothing new, what’d you expect? Don’t you know me by now? I know me by now at least. I’m sorry if you expected otherwise. I’m sorry to let you down.

Once in a long while, we can all get lucky, I have. And sometimes you can ride that luck for a long time, I did. But when that luck streak ends after you thought it had to end tens-of-thousands-of-times-already—it’s not hard to believe, I believed. Now what kind of fool would I be to think I’d hit a second streak of luck like that or hope for better, I don’t. That was a good hit, a good dose, a good memory that will never escape me, but twice? I make a regular stupid ass out of myself, but even I’m too smart to believe that.

Can you believe we made it through to summer? Can you believe I still have summer breaks like we did when we were kids? I can’t. It’s weird. It’s fucked up. It’s more than odd. But so am I.

So, here’s to the magical wonder that is the summer break none-the-less.

Captivate our hearts and minds—before they quickly sour.

To one alone. To one with friends. To a few where I hoped to never wake again. To many more filled with discomfort. To the ones where I used to dream. To the newer ones with endless feelings of sickness and nostalgia too. To the future ones that will arrive seamlessly without self-care, without air.

Maybe one summer I’ll see you again (and not just in my mind).

Maybe one summer we’ll finally meet (and not just in my mind).

Maybe one summer I’ll be brave (and not just in my mind).

Maybe one summer the pain will ease.

Maybe one summer won’t be alone.

Kagome, is it down the well this summer?

Guide me to another time?

A time apart from our own?